THE CLEANTECH CRASH WAS A STOCK MARKET AND POLITICAL PAYOLA KICKBACK SLUSH-FUND SCAM
Posted on Wednesday 19 March 2014, - - updated on 12/01/20 - Permalink
News for the in-a-hurry member of the public. Get your news now in Cartoon form. Based on a totally true story. Come join the production of this tale of intrigue, sex, fiery explosions, battles, more sex, big cash, more fire, spies, big politics, illuminati, and other fun stuff.Draft # 2.42 HEAD OF GENERAL MOBSTERS: “Hey, we are broke, nobody is buying our crappy cars. Take the private jet and go get some money from the White House. (WHOOOOSH ZOOOOOOOM) Location: Big White Building In Washington DC (Knock, knock, knock) GENERAL MOBSTERS LOBBYIST, GOLDMAN FATS: “Hey, give us some more money” RAM DA MAN: “Ohh, yah know, we could, but the public is starting to wise up to such things. How about if we say it is a “loan” to help save kittens and feed unicorns, then we might be able to get the public to ignore it until you have spent it all.” GENERAL MOBSTERS LOBBYIST, GOLDMAN FATS: “…or howzabout we say it’s for.. HA, Hooo hoo, Ohhh, I got it.. get a load a dis’ scam….” (Clutches stomach in choking, doubled over, laughter)” .. oh this is rich, howzabout we say it is for “electric cars“… (winking) RAM DA MAN: “I love it. We can for sure sell that shit to the sweaty masses.” GENERAL MOBSTERS LOBBYIST, GOLDMAN FATS: “But Dude, we really, really gotta, for sure, get this money..” RAM DA MAN: “No prob big guy. We’ll make it a “”law“” that only your company and a coupla friends can be legal under. Heh-heh” Location: Across Washington DC in an aides office: DORKY AIDE: “Hey Senator Sweetness, They are sliding some law through to give Detroit some free cash” SENATOR SWEETNESS: “Uncool. Let’s add some back-doors to it”. CLOSE-UP: Telephone (RING, RING) HEAD OF GENERAL MOBSTERS: “Whadaya want?” VOICE ON PHONE: “Ok, we got your money all hardwired in but you have have to order all of your workers to vote our way” HEAD OF GENERAL MOBSTERS: “cool, dude” Location: Across The Country- A Silicon Valley VC office Hand with big gold rings and Omega wristwatch grabs telephone and dials: (RING, RING) Location: Swanky Washington DC hotel room with empty champagne bottles and stockings strewn about… RAM DA MAN: “Yah” VC VOICE ON PHONE: “Hey, we want some of that cash and stock pumping too, we found the back-door in your little “law”!” RAM DA MAN: “OK, pay for all of our TV ads through a false-front buffer org and don’t let anybody find out!” VC VOICE ON PHONE: “OK, but make sure they only use stuff I invested in, like my lithium ion chemicals, to power them.” RAM DA MAN: “Ok” VC VOICE ON PHONE: “Oh, hey, Invade Afghanistan. They have trillions of dollars of lithium in their dry lakebeds for my electric car battery business, OK?” RAM DA MAN: “Ok, Cool, but Gates is giving us all kinds of shit about it so we gotta get in, get the Lithium dust, and get out quick so get your Russian mining companies all ready to go!” VC VOICE ON PHONE: “Cool!” Location: Washington DC Department of Energetic Obfuscation A DIFFERENT DORKY AIDE runs into Chiefs office: “Sir, Sir, a bunch of regular companies found the “back-doors in the Section 137 law. They didn’t pay any bribes, or anything!!!!!!” CHIEF: “HA!, Take all of those outsiders applications and throw them in the Potomac, if any get past that, give them to my cleaning lady to “review them” for the next 20 years. Keep asking the applicants, that compete with “our” VC, fake questions until they run out of money. We can string ‘em out til the moon turns blue” DIFFERENT DORKY AIDE: “Can we get away with that?” CHIEF: “Our guys own the crime-busters, we got ‘nuttin to worry about.” Location: Washington DC Main Front steps of Congress, Ceremonial stage: MASTER OF CEREMONIES: ” I am pleased to award this taxpayer cash to Solyndra“ SOLYNDRA GUY steps up to microphone. GOLDMAN FATS is standing on stage near microphone. SOLYNDRA GUY: “Thank you so much…” (Peels off a huge hunk of the bills and hands it to GOLDMAN FATS)” ..annnnnnnnnd, we’re Bankrupt!” (SOLYNDRA GUY slinks off stage) MASTER OF CEREMONIES: ” I am pleased to award this taxpayer cash to Fisker“ FISKER GUY steps up to microphone. GOLDMAN FATS is standing on stage near microphone. FISKER GUY: “Thank you so much…” (Peels off a huge hunk of the bills and hands it to GOLDMAN FATS)”..annnnnnnnnd, we’re Bankrupt!” (FISKER GUY slinks off stage) MASTER OF CEREMONIES: ” I am pleased to award this taxpayer cash to A123 Lithium Ion Battery Company“ A123 Lithium Ion Battery Company GUY steps up to microphone. GOLDMAN FATS is standing on stage near microphone. A123 Lithium Ion Battery Company GUY: “Thank you so much…” (Peels off a huge hunk of the bills and hands it to GOLDMAN FATS)”..annnnnnnnnd, we’re Bankrupt!” (A123 Lithium Ion Battery Company GUY slinks off stage) MASTER OF CEREMONIES: ” I am pleased to award this taxpayer cash to Abound Solar“ ABOUND SOLAR GUY steps up to microphone. GOLDMAN FATS is standing on stage near microphone. ABOUND SOLAR GUY: “Thank you so much…” (Peels off a huge hunk of the bills and hands it to GOLDMAN FATS)”..annnnnnnnnd, we’re Bankrupt!” (ABOUND SOLAR GUY slinks off stage) (THIS CONTINUES THROUGH A WHOLE GROUP OF “WINNERS” throughout the day and into the night…) Act Two: Location: Russia, a blizzard-blasted downtown street CNM Reporter: “So Eddie….” (In process…) Act Three: Glenn is seen tossing in bed, ripple dissolve to his dream, in progress… Location: The rim of the Grand Canyon, Utah Both sides have arrayed themselves on opposing precipices of the majestic Grand Canyon chasm. On one side : The Justice League of the Galaxy poises for the onslaught in stunning white spandex super-hero outfits with stylish capes made of bio-degradable fabric. Julian Assange, Eddie Snowden, Erin Brokovich, Glenn Greenwald, Peter Schweitzer, Jeremy Schahill, Mandela’s Ghost, Mahatma Ghandi, and the rest, brace for the attack. On the other side, The Illuminati strike an ominous visage in their matching dark purple velvet nylon hooded robes. Their skull and bones logos glisten threatenly in the sun. The Rockefellers prepare a mound of boulders to toss. The Bohemian Club contingent organizes lightning bolts. The Google executives prepare lethal YouTube video comments. The VC’s rev the engines of flaming Tesla’s and Fiskers. The Rothchild’s scoop up great mounds of fetid cheese. Backed up by legions of Yale and Stanford robotic Frat boys with tiny corporate lobbyist devils on their shoulders, the field of battle hangs on the moment… Location: Washington DC, Post-Internet-pocalypse, Supreme Court Lawyer: “Justices, allow me to sum up the case…” (To be added to…) Location: Illuminati secret headquarters at 740 Park Avenue, New York City. Supreme Most Excellent Old White Guy Exulted Leader: “Well, boys, …..it’s a whole new world…” (To be added to…) Location: A Farm in Nebraska, an old ranch-style home, front porch Warren All-You-Can-Eat-Buffet: “So here’s the deal…” (To be added to…) (In Process…) ————————————————————– Note to Editors/Reporters: Submit your script edits through the usual means. For an even easier overview try: When the final cartoon is complete, hopefully, you will get to see it on Netflix! For related reference ideas, websearch: “Abscam” and watch the new feature film: “American Hustle” starring Christian Bale, Amy Adams and Jennifer Lawrence . Notes to team: When we get this done, one contributor has suggested:
CARGATE: THE MUSICAL ™
Our team has now come up with testing architecture for:
CARGATE: THE APP (tm)
Using the App, you can create a picture on your mobile device and use any mobile photo software to prepare it. Opening the image, next, in the CARGATE APP embeds it in the TV frame and uploads it into the right chronological sequence in the story. Other App users vote on the relevance of your submission. if you get 50%, or high votes, it stays in the film. If not, you can resubmit another image for team vote for relevance, snarkiness and creativity. Custom Sequential movement images and custom motion GIF’s get an extra 25% voting bonus. All images must be modified, customized or otherwise produced, in final form, by you. You cannot just paste an image you found somewhere else. You must have artistically done something with the image. Images and script edits can be submitted via the Beta app or the usual SOMO process.